Bear Creek Kennel Club Announces 2021 Event Calendar

by Hammond Diehl, 3.24am May 10th 2021

The Bear Creek Kennel Club today announced its 2021 event calendar, including breed qualification events, agility competitions, and the date for its 2021 Bear Creek Kennel Club Dog Show and Expo. The announcement marks a return to form for the BCKC, whose last dog show took place three days before the 2010 Swamp Fires. The fires, believed to be started by a kennel club competitor running off leash, burned for eight days and marked the last known sighting of the mayor’s prize-winning Stygian Ridgeback.

“We’re excited to launch a new era for the BCKC,” club president Dean van der Krimpen said. “We’ve worked closely with the Bear Scat Park Resource Protection Committee to ensure that all 2021 events in the park meet the highest safety standards and that 2010 never happens again.”

The events calendar follows.

July 1, 2021: Working Group qualifier event. Accepted breeds: Church Grim Schnauzer, Newgate Prison Mastiff, Hairy Jack (wire-haired, smooth-haired, hairless and skinless types), Irish Wake Rottweiler. Corporeal and non-corporeal types permitted. Oily sheen strongly preferred.

Aug. 5, 2021: Terrier Group qualifier event. Accepted breeds: Ghost Hound of Goshen, Barrow-Wight Terrier, Rat King Terrier. Competitors must remain on the ground at all times.

Aug. 8, 2021: Toy Group qualifier event. Accepted breeds: Gehenna Crested, Oaxacan Brujita, Gibbet Puggle, Abaddonadoodle, Teacup Chthon. Competitors must be visible to the naked eye.

Aug. 15, 2021: Non-Sporting Group qualifier event. Accepted breeds: Whisht Hound, Samarra Ziggurat Hound, Black Shuck (Norfolk, Lincolnshire or Bear Creek variations), Bavarian Katastroph Mountain Dog. All owners must have no more than six months to live; all dogs must be able to verbally confirm.

Aug. 20, 2021: Herding Group qualifier event. Ünterbridge Lapphund, Banshee des Flandres, Belgian La Monte-à-Regret, Shriekingese. Earplugs and sage boutonnières recommended.

Sept. 5, 2021: Sporting Group qualifier event. Accepted breeds: Plymouth Wild Hunt Retriever, Barguest, Gogmadog, Borderland Collie (no docked tails; all forks must be easily visible), Stygian Ridgeback. All competitors must be stay in designated pentacles and remain booted, harnessed, warded, and fitted with BCKC-standard blinders at all times. All owners must produce paperwork demonstrating competitor’s ability to ignite fires at distances no shorter than 30 feet. NO CHILDREN UNDER 12 ALLOWED WITHOUT APPROPRIATE AMULETS.

Sept. 10, 2021: BCKC All-Breed Agility Competition Day 1. Events include opening ceremonies, high jump, God’s Gape long-jump, and chain dragging (20-, 30-, and 50-pound).

Sept. 12, 2021: BCKC All-Breed Agility Competition Day 2. Events include the Edwin Charter Memorial Levitation Competition, 400-cubit dash, and the Mayoral Corpse Quadrathlon (retrieval of mayor’s cadaver from still water, running water, depleted mine, burning church).

Sept. 13, 2021: BCKC All-Breed Agility Competition Day 3. Events include the tracking of the White Lady, closing ceremonies.

Oct. 15: 3rd Annual Bear Creek Dog Show and Expo. 2021 sponsors include Gorgonuba Chicken ’n’ Ichor Kibble for Active Lurkers; the Rat King of the Bear Creek Underpass; and that rabbit with the human face.

October 31-Nov. 1 2021: All BCKC offices closed. BCKC members are advised to keep all breeds in cold-iron muzzles until sunrise Nov. 2.