Public Health Notice
by Lemmy Ya'akova, 3.49am July 10th 2022

“Check your neck!” - It has been reported that a woman named Isola Friers of Bear Creek awoke with double vision on January 3, 2022. She insists she has never experienced this before. When she went to blink, she couldn’t. She attempted to lift both hands to inspect them but could only lift the right one. Terrified, she checked her face, her hair, and her neck. In her frantic investigation her fingernails knocked something sturdy as an egg shell at the base of her skull. The first thing she thought to do was pull it off so she did. Her vision centered and her ability to blink returned as she examined what ended up being a snail. “The kind you find in garden shrubs,” she says. “It wasn’t discernibly alien in any way.” If this happens to you, she urges you to stay calm, to check your neck and to be sure to dispose of the snail however you see fit to prevent further spread. “Salt worked just fine for me,” she claims. |