Rat King Returns to Bear Creek Underpass
by Keef, 3.24am January 10th 2021
The Rat King of the Bear Creek Underpass has returned after a nearly decade-long absence. The Guardian of the Underpass reports encountering the Rat King on Tuesday evening underneath the bridge at the west end of Main Street, and has driven the beast
back underground. However, this seems an ill omen, and is almost certainly not the last the town shall see of the harbinger of darkness.
"Rabbit and I were on patrol," said the Guardian. "The moon was just up. We heard this whooshing sound, and then the Rat King burst forth from a storm drain: a sphere of champing yellowed teeth, writhing tails, and matted fur. And blood."
Long-time readers of the Bear Creek Gazette may recall this publication's series on the crimes of the Rat King during the late 1980s, which decreased over the years until the creature's eventual disappearance in 2011. In addition to many smaller crimes, the Rat King committed eight murders, sixty-three acts of wanton property destruction, and over
seven thousand cheese thefts. It also won a post as Ursa County Watershed Commissioner by write-in votes.
"It definitely knew where we were," says the Guardian of the Underpass. "It didn't pick that storm drain at random. It knew what it was doing. It came right at us."
Rabbit near the storm drain that birthed the Rat King's horrible form
"It had accumulated a collection of PVC pipe fragments," says the Guardian of the Underpass, "wedged in amongst its component rats. As it rolled toward us, the wind whistled through the pipes at speed, creating an unholy cacophony, not unlike the hoarse screaming of an army of the angry undead."
It is unclear where the rat king obtained the fragments of PVC pipe.
"Luckily, Rabbit was in the cart," reports the Guardian, "which makes it extra heavy. We met the Rat King head-on. It bounced off the front and rolled back several feet. I still have my razor-tipped jai-alai cesta-- I've kept it close since losing my earlobe in '95-- and so I strapped it on and went to work."
The Guardian of the Underpass estimates that he separated fifteen or sixteen rats from the Rat King's body before it retreated, slithering into a smaller tunnel.
"It'll be back," said Rabbit.
"We'll be ready for it," added the Guardian.
Prior to this week, the last sighting of the Rat King was on March 31st, 2011, two weeks after the closing of Fentermann's Dairy and Cheesery, when it was seen by multiple
townspeople rolling down the road toward the interstate turnpike. That its return to town after Fentermann's reopening seems to be no coincidence. When asked for comment, John Fentermann unleashed a string of expletives.
Jai-alai cestas are on sale this week at Firetown Sports on Alpaca Boulevard.
The Guardian of the Underpass and Rabbit, on patrol