Take a HIKE
the Mayor interviews Mark Ward - author of HIKE (Jan 2022 Bear Creek Press)
Mark dials The Mayor
Phone: I’m sorry, but your call isn’t important enough to answer. As such there is no
facility to leave a message.
Mark checks that he has the right time, dials again
Phone: I told you. Your call isn’t important enough to answer.
Mark emails The Mayor’s assistant, waits, dials again
Janice Lee: The Mayor’s Office, Janice Lee speaking.
Mark Ward: Janice, it’s me.
MW: Mark. I just emailed you.
JL: Oh yes, putting you through.
MW: Every single -
The phone clicks
The Mayor: The Mayor.
MW: It’s Mark.
TM: We agreed that not being in contact was the best thing for both of us, Mark.
MW: *sighs* I know, it’s about the -
TM: It was your idea.
MW: I know, but this isn’t -
TM: The rest of me are very annoyed.
MW: The rest of you were the fucking problem.
TM: You knew who I was.
MW: I knew who you were, not all the other Mayors that simultaneously co-exist in
you. How can I be expected to date all of those? At least half of them are
TM: You were dating me.
MW: I’d wake up and The Mayor from 1867 would call me a sodomite and push me
out of bed.
TM: And I apologised, and he’s been on time out ever since: no speaking privileges.
MW: Look, let’s not go through this again. Can you just interview me?
TM: Okay. Wait, I thought you were interviewing me for the Gazette?
MW: No, did you not read the email?
TM: I don’t have time. Janice gives me a rough synopsis.
MW: *sighs* You’re interviewing me about my book.
TM: You published it?
MW: Of course I did.
TM: I wrote you an email telling you not to publish it.
MW: And I used it as a blurb.
TM: Do you understand the danger you’re putting people in?
MW: Who? Who exactly am I putting in danger? Everyone in this town knows exactly
what’s going on, Mayor.
TM: I hate when you call me that.
MW: I know, it’s just “The Mayor” is weird. Like, whose first name is The?
TM: Mine. I’m not interviewing you about the book.
MW: You promised me. Look, it’s not like anyone outside of Bear Creek is even going
to read it, what does it matter?
TM: You don’t just write down town secrets and get to act all high and mighty.
Why did you write the book?
MW: Did you read it?
MW: I told you the story, more than once.
TM: The one I said not to write down?
TM: What did the Coven say?
MW: They’re not happy, but they’ll get over it.
TM: Do you really think this town is the best place to make enemies?
MW: They understand what they’ve done. And they at least have the good grace to act
bashful about it.
TM: Wait, is that why you were down at The Dunes, retracing your steps?
MW: Hah, no. I didn’t see you there.
TM: I saw you.
MW: You could’ve said hi.
TM: No, I couldn’t. Are you happy with the book?
TM: Well, that’s the main thing. Who’s printing it?
MW: A new firm called Bear Creek Press.
TM: I’ll be sure to look into them.
MW: Don’t burn them down.
TM: I said “look into them”, Mark.
MW: Exactly. Don’t. Burn. Them. Down.
TM: I won’t. Is the book funny?
MW: Is the story funny?
MW: You threaten the press, but not him.
TM: He didn’t do anything wrong.
MW: To think I loved you once.
TM: Send the interview to my office for approval.
MW: I won’t.
TM: *off in the distance* Janice, I told you not to let his calls -