The Who Revived
by Amy Neufeld, 3.24am May 10th 2021
Deceased rockers Keith Moon and John Entwistle have announced that they will be performing in the Bear Creek Arena, un-affectionately known as The Disco Rat, in early May.
“It’s bullshit!” Moon said through local medium Delores “Knuckles” McGee, who, upon receiving Moon’s spirit, began trashing her room and trying to score cocaine. “Roger and Pete keep touring as The Who, but they’re only half the bloody band! What, John and I don’t count? Oh, we’re dead, so we can’t play? Like I said, bullshit! So we’re mounting our own show.”
When asked what inspired this revival, Entwistle, through McGee, replied “spite.” Moon then forced himself back into McGee and said, in a moment of rare stillness: “it’ll just be good to play music again.”
And why does the duo want to come to Bear Creek?
“We’ve been kicked out of everywhere else, haven’t we? No one’s got a sense of humour anymore,” Moon declared, while Knuckles' face twisted into a grotesque sneer that caused one reporter to begin fanning himself. Moon declined to elaborate regarding the missing humour.
The drum and bass show will include an elaborate laser performance. Entwistle said that they will bring Jimi Hendrix on for one song, and Moon told reporters that the show will feature an actual dinosaur that he promises will “really f*$% everyone up.” Moon will be playing something called “space drums,” and when asked for clarification, Knuckles McGee, still channeling the drummer, began marching around the small room, blowing loudly into a duck call. It is unclear if Moon and Entwistle can deliver on any of these promises.
Tickets for The Who - Dead and in Concert are now available at the Disco Rat box office. The concert is scheduled for May 5, “or whenever the hell we feel like playing,” according to Moon. Refunds will not be issued under any circumstances, including audience fatalities.
Moon ended the press conference by declaring, through McGee, that their performance will be dedicated to Bear Creek’s (allegedly) deceased mayor, at which point the spirits of the rock stars left this realm, and McGee had to be rushed to hospital with severe dehydration. Her prognosis is not favourable.